Fat Boy Slimmer

This guy!

This month our work organised our End of Month activity to be Tai Chi.

Next time I do Tai Chi, I will make sure I am not wearing jeans! It was pretty cool, although I wish I had remembered we were doing Tai Chi and brought something I could have been more flexible in!

Anyways, looking forward to tomorrow! The plan is to wake up, hit the gym for a good ol’ cardio session and then head to the meetup!

Nothing like meeting all the inspirational people behind the blogs to get me truly back on track!

I hear there is a meetup tomorrow in Melbourne (thanks to a little bird)… wow I really have been gone a while haven’t I!

What’s details yo?!?!!?

Drinking solves nothing.

Why drink? Does it really make your night more enjoyable? Nope!

I have to stop doing it.

Ok I lie.

RPM smashed me!

The instructor came up to me and was like “Where have you been??”

I felt so unfit and horrible during the class, but now feel much much better now I have done it.

It’s not good.

Setting a new personal highest weight is definitely not good.

I am not going to say what it is, because I am completely embarrassed and ashamed by what it is.  I won’t be it by June 30th though.  I am chucking myself into a super crazy health regime because it is at the point where if I don’t, I will probably be…. I don’t know, but I am definitely feeling like I have hit rock bottom right now.

Like, literally can’t get any worse than I am right now.  The only thing I will be doing now is rising into a lifestyle of a healthy amazing person.

My mental health is absolutely fucked right now. I am always so depressed, and I am struggling, I really am.  The only thing I seem to be doing well at, at the moment, is my job.  My clients love me (I work in websites) and my bosses love me.  But that doesn’t help me, it just makes me only want to be at work.  Because at work my brain is occupied and I don’t think about how fucked I am.

I understand that there are a lot of people out there worse than I am, but still.

Need to get myself a positive can-do attitude.

Did you know we make on average 200 decisions a day that affect our weight loss?

From deciding whether to park next to the shops or at the back of the carpark, or what food we will eat, or whether we will eat that last chip, all these decisions add up.

What decisions are you making today that will affect your journey?

I know a couple of people have noticed I haven’t been posting much. I’ve been trying to get back into the groove, and so far I have attended the Monday body pump two weeks in a row, which is how I got back into the fitness last time!

My diet has been pretty average, so I’m working on pulling my head out of my arse and eating 100% healthy foods.

I’m switching to more protein and veg for my lunch and dinner, with breakfast being a protein shake & fruit and nuts in between.

Also been slowly switching coffee for green tea, which is always fun!

Once I get back into it I’ll remember just how happy I feel when I do it and I’ll stick to it for longer.

It’s like that Quitting Smoking ad, only I’m quitting Obesity.

Thats a fantastic start to the week!

Although I am sure I will be feeling it tomorrow, it’s been a long time since I did one of those classes.

Now to make healthy eating decisions all day!

One step.

And then another.

All journeys start this way.

Even when you start them for the 2nd time. Or 20th. Or 2000th.

Trying to start mine again.  Need to stick on it and work hard!

…as in they have my DJ brand on them.

And normally a XXXL from K-Mary fits me fine.

These XXXL from the USA, are HUGE!

Like, I wore one today and it’s like I lost 50kg, that’s how big it is on me.

So devastated. Hopefully I can shrink it in the wash…

I woke up a fair bit throughout the night as you can see in this picture:

But I did manage to get out of bed.

And when I got to the gym today, the receptionist scanned my card and goes ‘Haven’t seen you here in a while…. It’s been… 43 DAYS since you last came!’

Wow. I really have let myself go.

As I am writing this I’m chatting to my one of my best mates about all of it.  And he brought up a valid point.  I associate losing weight with getting girls.  As in once I lose the weight, I’ll be able to find a girl.

I’m so hung up on my size that it limits my own perception of my self-worth and in turn destroys any chance I have with any girl.  However, in saying that, the girls I end up falling for are mostly ones who I have gotten to know, and of course, feel most comfortable with and don’t feel like they judge me on my size.

But I digress.  My weight loss journey should be about me and me alone.  I should be doing it only for myself and no one else.  I’ve been on and off diets since 2006 and the reasons always come back to girls, which shouldn’t be the case.

I have to disassociate my weight loss journey and my love life, and once I manage to achieve that then I should be able to achieve my goals.

I have to stop thinking of excuses.  My more recent one has been ‘Oh I woke up too late, not going to be able to go to the class, guess I’ll just skip gym’. No. That is the wrong way of thinking.  I should be still going and do something that isn’t in a class.

Today I was a tiny bit late for the RPM class, so I did an hour on the elliptical machine instead.  On the train to work I felt great.  I need to hang on to that mental feeling that exercise = happy.

I need to do this for only me.

I know I have written so many posts in the last few months about my struggling, and a lot of posts that have nothing to do with weight loss but about my own emotions about other things.  I have a lot of emotional baggage, especially for a guy.  I wouldn’t say I have depression but I am depressed a lot of the time.

I’ve talked before about how I’ve used binge eating in the past to deal with my emotions.  I need to stop doing that.  I need to make the healthy choices.  I need to improve my mood through exercise and sleeping right.

But last and foremost, I need to stop letting the fact I feel sad and lonely stop me from going to the gym.  Especially when I have fallen for someone I can’t have.  That shouldn’t make me want to spend all day in bed and just binge eat.  I should feel like I want to go for a run, lift some weights or some other form of exercise.

There are 362 days until my 26th birthday.  That is 362 opportunities to do what I think is right, eat healthy, sleep well, and exercise.  Time to measure my stomach instead of fretting over what the scale says, as seeing the scale always depresses me.

After speaking to my mate today, I think what I will do is only weigh myself once a month (at the end of the month), and do measurements.  Maybe that will work?

Trying is better than not trying.

I’m going to try and go to the gym at least three times a week again.

I’m going to try and only eat healthy food.

I’m going to try and not drink when I am out.

I’m going to try and write more on here about what I do.  (I’ve been hiding and not posting because I was feeling like if I didn’t write about it, it wasn’t an issue. But it is.)

I’m going to try and be more honest with myself.

I’m going to try.

Perfect!

It was about the exact issue I am currently dealing with emotionally, and shows Ted working it all out.

I might even sleep good tonight!

Hopefully I don’t wake up at 4:14 for once, as I really want to get to the gym!

….is a hard thing when you just don’t know where to start.